


Bellflowers

by Kikkis



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Death, Depression, Grief/Mourning, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Other, Police, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:08:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23018302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kikkis/pseuds/Kikkis
Summary: One day, or more precise- once night when he was out patrolling the streets of his home town, he crossed path with a girl in distress. She was on a bridge, on wrong side of the railing. The river underneath was a few meters deep and the current was strong. While he had gotten a lot of courses on how to deal with suicidal people, all that went off in his brain was; ‘Do something, Daichi!’
Kudos: 10





	Bellflowers

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, a prompt for our beloved Sawamura Daichi. I just got this thought, and figured I write it down and post it :D
> 
> WARNING: Suicide  
> WARNING: Slightly bad coping mechanism.  
> WARNING: Bad mental health (not graphic and only vaguely shown). 
> 
> Hope you all can still enjoy the chapter regardless of the warnings, and be careful if any of these triggers you. 
> 
> Also!  
> Rindo means bellflower in japanese. I struggled with the name, becuse I wanted her name to have some meaning to it. I debated on calling her Himawari (sunflower) but I felt like that was used up. It's a beautiful name though. Same with Sakura. So Rin it was.

Sawamura was certain the police force was his calling. It felt like the right way to go, even when he was being pulled in many directions. Sugawara pursued a degree in pedagogy to become a teacher, Asahi decided to take rest year to figure out what he actually wanted, Kiyoko started a business degree. His parents were supportive, but also pushed him to seek higher education. 

He wanted to make a difference. So he enrolled in Miyagi Police Department on community safety.

One day, or more precise- once night when he was out patrolling the streets of his home town, he crossed path with a girl in distress. She was on a bridge, on wrong side of the railing. The river underneath was a few meters deep and the current was strong. While he had gotten a lot of courses on how to deal with suicidal people, all that went off in his brain was;  _ ‘Do something, Daichi!’ _

And he did. 

He got the girl down. He was calm and the girl grew almost hysterical. He held her tight, and dragged her away from the bridge to a more safe place. She couldn’t be more than 15 years. He alerted his team that was also patrolling, and got backup. Ambulance was called and help would arrive quickly. He talked to the girl, trying to calm her down. It worked, a little bit. 

Her name was Rin, named after the bellflower.

Her parents burst through door that lead to her room, frantic and worried. The mother cried and hugged her and her dad bowed deeply to him. Thanking him for saving their daughter. The girl still cried, muttering that she was sorry over and over again like a mantra. And her parents muttered bak ‘it’s okay’ over and over again. 

Somehow, the girl managed to convince the doctors that she didn’t need to be admitted or need any further help. And it looked like the parents didn’t see the need to do so too. She said that it was a one time thing. That she was just overreacting because of school and the recent boyfriend she just broke up with. Since she had no history of mental illness before; they let her go home with her parents, but with the some information pamphlets about mental health and how to seek help. 

Sawamura said goodbye to the girl and prompted her to take care of herself in the near future. When their eyes met, Daichi saw something. She just looked so tired. Just tired of it all. He fought the urge to hug her. It was inappropriate and her parents had a death grip on her as they lead her out of the room. 

The ride back to the station was silent. His partner didn't say much, but there wasn’t much to say. Sawamura only spoke once. “I don’t believe her, I should have said something. She needed-needs help. Help I think her parents can’t provide.” His senpai looks over at him and reached over to squeeze his shoulder. Tight and grounding, but not  _ helping _ . 

Four days later, when he is writing a report at his desk, his senpai walked quietly over to him. His face looked a little constipated. Normally, his senpai and partner was a cherry man, easy to get along with and he still manage to keep his authority while on the job. He had been in the force for almost ten years. From him, Daichi gets the information that the girl had hung herself in the backyard of her parents house when they weren’t home. She had already been dead for a an hour when a neighbour spotted her and called an ambulance and her parents. 

She wasn’t fine, he was right. 

She needed help and he was the one that could have pushed the doctors and the parents to make her get the help she needed.  _ She deserved.  _

His gut grew tight and he felt like he might throw up on his desk. Hands turning cold and sweaty and shaky. Feelings so foreign to him. His partner squeezed his shoulder again and told him about every available information. The two of them might be contacted if the parents ever chose to take this further. 

It goes on deaf ears as Daichi can only think about the girl he thought he saved, but really didn't do anything to help her. He might have gotten her on the right side of the railing, but he didn’t save her life. 

His senpai sees that he is unwell, too unwell to work and focus. He gets sent home with the note to rest or call if he feels worse or need anything else. They handle it when he comes back, his senpai says. He gets a few nods from his co-workers, all of them been in similar situation, as sickly as that though is. 

He lies in his bed and stares at his uniform, which is hung neatly on its hook on the wall. The blinds let in light from the street and it shines on his badge. The small reflection is almost blinding and all Daichi wants is to haul that badge into the toilet. Does the badge mean anything if he, as the bearer, can’t help the one person that needed him that night?

That was the first time someone ever died at his hands. It wasn’t like the news, when they would occasionally tell them that one or another bridge was being closed off because someone had jumped. Of course, those news always made him think a little. That that person could be anyone he knew, but he never dwelled on it. Almost witnessing, was entirely different. 

Maybe there is a few pamphlets that will teach him how to cope with this situation too. That thought makes him laugh, but it soon turns into ugly sobs that feel like he might choke on the. He presses his face into the pillow and holds his breath. It feels like he is drowning and suffocating. 

It’s hard to breathe. 

After a sleepless night, he marches into his boss’ office. With the badge in his hand, he says that he will quit. What’s the point of being an officer when he can’t even help the ones that needs it the most. 

His boss looks at him. He isn’t old, but his hair is starting to loose it’s black shine and wrinkles both from stress and happiness are visible in his face. He looked at Sawamura, understanding and worried. 

“It’s about that girl, Sawamura-kun.” He says, clam. “I heard, I am so sorry, but sit down and we can talk.”

He does. Because as much as he just wanted to leave his badge on his boss’ desk and to bolt out of the building, he feels like he owe it to the department. Owe it to the girl that will forever be 15 years. 

“I-I knew, I knew she needed professional help. I saw it in her eyes.” Sawamura starts and he only knows he is crying when he feels a salty taste at the corners of his mouth. His boss doesn't bat an eye at that and gives him a tissue. He isn’t the first to cry in this office and he won't be the last. “I had a feeling she wasn’t fine and I still let her go. And now she is dead. She was only 15 years old. I felt it in my gut that it was wrong to let her go and I still didn’t say anything.” 

His boss nods and pushes a glass of water to him. He takes a small sip out of it. It’s actually pretty refreshing, and Daichi is reminded that he skipped dinner yesterday and went straight to bed. Behaviour so strange to him. 

“Then why don’t you use it?” His boss breaks the silence after he let Daichi calm down.

“Huh?” Sawamura asked, swallowing a sob. 

“Why don’t you use that gut feeling in the next case, and the case after that. That feeling will be your best tool in helping citizens in this city, Sawamura-kun.” His boss takes a sip from his coffee. “If you really want to quit, I won’t force you to stay; but the biggest advice I can give you is to use that feeling you are feeling now and help those who needs it the most.”

“But I failed her, and her family.” 

“You gave her a second chance, Sawamura-kun, you gave her a second chance and there were people in her life that should have taken care of her and they failed to do so.” His boss tells him sternly, but still comforting in some way. The voice he uses tells Sawamura that things like this will always be a part of the job. This won't be the last suicidal victim he will cross paths with if he continues. His boss doesn’t look down on him, like Sawamura though he would do. And when he thinks about it, neither did any of his co-workers when he packed up his things to yesterday to take the rest fo the day off. 

“I don’t want to quit.” He tells the older man. Because he doesn’t, he just feels awful. “I just don’t want to fail those people who need me.” His life had been pretty easy up until now. His biggest worry had been grades, volleyball practice and making plans with friends. It had been exams, taking care of his younger sisters when his parents were working late and remembering to feed their house cat. Nothing more than that. So when reality decided to punch him in the stomach, the pain was indescribable 

His boss nods and moves over to squeeze his shoulders, and they are sitting on the same side of the desk. And while his boss had gotten his report and it had been sent out to the hospital, doctors and the parents; his boss lets him talk and cry and retell every detail of the day he met the girl. The girl that Sawamura only knew for a few hours. 

Hearing that there is a small thread to hang by, to know that there are still things he can do to save those who deserve another chance at life- it gives him the small, silver lining of hope that he can make a difference. 

He goes back to the family, to apologise and give his condolences. The family is devastated, of course, and her parents keep saying if there was only something they could have done. And all Daichi can think about is that they should have gotten her help then and there at the hospital. That their ignorance is the only reason they had to put her in a body-bag in their own backyard. But he hold his tongue. Maybe the girl was good at faking it, and managed to hide it so well form her own parents. Maybe it’s their countries norm and that their people is too busy to breathe and take care of themselves. He will never get an answer, so he doesn’t want to waste energy on being angry with others. 

He buys a bouquet of bellflowers and a scented candle, and goes back to the bridge. The flowers are fresh and lush and a beautiful blue colour. It almost makes him belive that Rin’s eyes were the deep blue, but she had dark brown eyes. They were still beautiful, though. 

At daytime, the traffic is heavier and he wonders if another car had pulled up before he did, had she gotten the help she needed. Would she be alive. He doesn't dwell on the thought for too long. It’s not like an answer is needed when she is already dead. 

He lights the candle and places the flowers beside it. In honor and in memory for the girl that showed him that the force wasn’t all action and fulfilling moments. It’s also heartbreaking and life shattering at the same time. 

The current is still as strong as the was the day he found her on the railing. The water is still as deep. But it doesn’t look as scary as it did when he found the girl. Maybe it’s just that the circumstance is different, but he feels lighter. He takes a bell flower and throws it into the water. And he has lost sight of it the second it hits the water. Kind of like he lost sight of Rin the second her parents guided her to their car.

He saves one bellflower and presses it in a book. It’s still beautiful, even after it had dried out and turned to a more pale in colour. He frames it and keeps it at his desk. Just when he does that, he notices that a lot of his other co-workers has pictures of people or places that is important to them. For him, the bellflower is simply just a beautiful flower, or it used to be. He can’t help himself, but everytime he sees a bellflower; he looks at them differently and thinks about dark eyes that were only filled with tears. 

Daichi remembered that he read somewhere that tears where only love that had nowhere to go. It still feels useless to cry about Rin, because he didn't know about her existence until he met her on a damned bridge trying to take her own life. He only saw her for a few hours that night and now he will never see her. 

And it got him thinking, that maybe Rin didn’t cry because Daichi found her and contacted medical help. And that she didn't cry because her parents found out. Maybe she was crying because she didn't know to give herself the love she deserved. 

His boss had asked him if he wanted new areas to pattroll, but he had declined. Thinking that he just needs to get used to the thought of Rin, the bridge and her death. It’s more than a part of his job, it’s part of his life now. 

The badge is pinned back on his uniform and his eyes are dry. And while the girl died, she will be known for person that made Sawamura make the decision to keep building, 

...to keep working for something greater than himself. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, comments and Kudos are always appreciated :D
> 
> Hello, a prompt for our beloved Sawamura Daichi. I just got this thought, and figured I write it down and post it :D
> 
> WARNING: Suicide  
> WARNING: Slightly bad coping mechanism.  
> WARNING: Bad mental health (not graphic and only vaguely shown). 
> 
> Hope you all can still enjoy the chapter regardless of the warnings, and be careful if any of these triggers you. 
> 
> Also!  
> Rindo means bellflower in japanese. I struggled with the name, becuse I wanted her name to have some meaning to it. I debated on calling her Himawari (sunflower) but I felt like that was used up. It's a beautiful name though. Same with Sakura. So Rin it was.


End file.
